Hope: Captivated

 “Any final words for our viewers?” The interviewer asked.

“The past can’t be changed. Whatever happened, I wish I could borrow a crystal ball from someone, go back and change it. But its okay as it is too, the incident has made me a different person, much stronger than I was before.” She said.

“I have been living like an example for a whole new population and I am glad that I could lead them in a better path. I may feel like a surreal texture of an amalgamated feelings of giving up and misery but whoever knows me, knows that I am different, and the incident has made me a better person.” She added.

“I can only control the present, future is uncertain. My present is making sure that whatever happened to me, does not happen to anyone else. I’ll be selfish here for owning the pain all to myself and not letting it out to anyone out there.” She spoke again.

“Thank you for noticing us. The media has played a major role in uncovering the hidden emotions of people like us.” She ended her speech.

****

The acid attack on various ladies was on an increasing trend in Nepal in the recent years. The acid not only left a mark on their body but gradually affected their confidence, living style and struck them mentally.

Lata was a fresh undergraduate who majored in business. She was brought up in Parsa where she had her ups and downs. Her pretty, brownish eyes would tranquilize anyone who would take a glance at them. Lata’s bubbly personality was one of the reasons that she was surrounded with friends. Her jolliness and bad sense of humor was something that would strengthen their bond.

Every leaf withers away with its faded colors. Her cheerful nature disappeared from her life after those drops of acid pierced her face. The acid not only attacked her face but also shredded her self-confidence to face reality into pieces.

Her only fault was that her heart was selfish to accept someone else’s feelings. The guy pacified his ego by throwing the lifetime of sadness on her body. Fortunately, her heart was betrayed but it was still beating after the incident.

The stories of hospital are filled with mixed emotions; you either bring more hope to live from there or you lose all of it. The left part of Lata’s face was covered with a white bandage, her faith in life was vanishing in thin air.

She could blame that guy for this deed, or she could blame herself for breaking his heart. She was confused. Her mind played that unfortunate scene multiple times making her weak mentally. Every time she replayed that scene in her mind, she always saw how she could have avoided that mishap. Our mind is very cruel; it shows what we could have done after we have committed a mistake.

The incident made her let go of her friends. She didn’t want to meet anyone; she ignored everything in her life. She was searching joy in the puddle of sadness. Friendship stays together like the pearls in a necklace; it stays on if you hold the thread in each end, if one of them lets go of it, the relationship disintegrates like the falling pieces.

She would find herself in a pool of sweat in the middle of the night; she would get panic attacks. Everything that should not happen was happening in her life. She would always think what she did to deserve all of this. 

Lata’s parents always prayed to God, and would always ask why did all these happened to her?

Lata’s family was fuming in anger as well as drenching in distress at the same time. Their anger towards the boy was being neutralized looking at their daughter’s state. They just wanted that chapter to be closed forever without stretching the plot.

Their courage stood still, and they reported the guy eventually. Nepal and its laws, a satire to the public. It didn’t end well for the girl rather they decided to settle under the radar privately. The guy’s parents paid some money to let the case go away.

Their poverty had to interfere between the right and wrong. The economic state of the family prospered, but it could not mend the happiness in Lata’s heart. Maybe it is true that money can’t buy happiness; but it’s also true that money can’t bury sadness too.  

Her parents were always extra careful and watching her every now and then. Their life was sorting out, but sadness was still roaming around in their lives. She continued her college. She wanted to join MBA and make something out of her life.

She joined the college in the capital as she wanted to have a fresh start away from that black and white screenplay. She wanted another climax in her life, a happy one this time. She joined a college in Putalisadak to complete her postgraduate. She always felt like she was being watched or she was being left out from the group for the first few weeks.

Eventually, she made friends. Ashreeya, Shuvangi, Ravi and Arun joined as the supporting characters in her life’s script. Shuvangi and Lata were inseparable, they became best of friends; every group work, every field work, they were together in everything. Others eventually joined in.

Her scarred face always built a fortress of fear inside her. She always thought people would have pitiful eyes looking at her and she did not want to live it that way. She wanted others to treat her normally and make her feel like she belongs there. Shuvangi always tried her best to create such situations in her life.

Friendship is such an amazing relationship that can sew the broken hearts. Her happiness was coming back home, in a slow pace. Ravi was always there too in her life. Her heart did not accept someone’s love once and it led to that unfortunate event in her life. Her fear for love will always be buried inside her for eternity. Heart is a strange thing; if only heart had its own mind to take better decisions.

Ravi was slowly entering her heart with his involvement in her life. They would talk normally but he was always there for her when she needed him. He would treat her like anyone else. He made fun of her, cared for her, and did every normal thing he could do. Her jolliness nature revived because of Aashreeya, Ravi, Shuvangi and Arun.

She didn’t want to express her stored feelings in front of Ravi as she didn’t want to sabotage that precious relationship. She was happy but the smiles were a mixture of real ones and fake ones. The heart was healing slowly but the wound that changed her life in a single moment, was something that could never leave her.

After months of limited happiness, fake smiles and wounded heart, the media intervened in her life. The government implemented new policies in terms of acid attack victims and the media got ahold of her somehow. She became the face to watch in every news and went viral in a single night. She would share her experience and that installed courage in other victims as they came out of their caves to share their experiences as well.

She went on to give interviews so that she could help others to come out of their comfort zone. She became an example for them.

“After all these years, how do you describe that event?” The interviewer asked.

“It’s one part of my life that is like a recurring dream to me. Whatever I do, I will not be able to get rid of it. It has affected not only me but mostly my parents. That’s why I took the decision to make a fresh start and stay away from them for some time. When you get a small pimple on your face, you would be sad and now imagine getting my face disoriented with that amount of acid, how would I feel on a daily basis?” Lata replied bravely.

“I feel stronger now, as they say time heals everything. I am not completely okay, but I am getting better.” She faked a smile again.

Lata showed strength and courage in her interviews, but she knew how weak she was in reality. She would act differently in front of Shuvangi and Ravi but as soon as they go away, she was a different person.

Her happiness was like an asthma, needed inhaler every now and then. Once the effect goes away, she would get panic attacks. Her panic attacks never really went away, she used to have it once in a while.

She would always watch her interviews and laugh at herself.

“Liar. How could I say that on a national television when I don’t even believe that myself?” She murmured to herself.

She believed that someone who is living a life full of pity, could never understand the true meaning of humility and warmth of a relationship. For the first time in her life, her heart gave up for someone else and she could not even express it and that would haunt her every now and then.

Her constant fear made her limit her conversation with Ravi. She would only speak to Ravi when he approached her, and it would be a short one. She didn’t want to tear apart the wounds in her heart one more time, so she thought the best thing to do was to avoid the situation entirely.

Shuvangi noticed something was going on with Lata. She asked her about it, multiple times but a person who could withheld an ounce of pain inside her could keep any conversation hidden easily. She did not tell Shuvangi anything; she just told her that she was just overthinking.

Ravi felt the same as Lata would try to end the conversation as soon as she picked up the phone. Ravi felt something was bothering her. Ravi pleaded countless times, but her fake smile and a pile of lies was always ready for him.

“Come on Lata. You know I have always cared about you. When I don’t talk with you, it doesn’t complete my day. It’s a habit that I don’t want to get rid of. So, whatever it is, please don’t stop talking to me.” Ravi texted her.

“You will never get rid of me. Don’t worry. Sleep well. Goodnight.” Lata replied.

She just had to reply that way. She was good at it now, suppressing her feelings. She was good at hiding her emotions, faking a smile. She was getting better at being sad with a happy face.

That one incident took away her courage to live a normal life, fall in love again, make friends and be happy. The fake smiles and lies were inbuilt inside her.

The acid was flowing in her veins, acting like a slow poison affecting her feelings, leading to ruining friendships and never creating any intact relationships.

She was a live wire electrocuting herself to stay away from everyone.

There’s a hope that one day, the sun would rise again from the east for her. The chirping of birds would become a melody to her ears and her heart would actually throb faster with excitement and happiness.

The only thing constant in life must be hope.

Hope, it finds her soon.