Choices

The serenity demanded a glimpse of friendship but I was all alone staring at no exact point, wandering my eyes everywhere nearby.

The nearby hills were decorated with the rays of the setting sun and the eyes were enjoying it, though a companion would have added the flavors in the sightseeing.  People named the hill as “One Tree Hill” which was located few kilometers east from Jawalakhel.

The bliss nature and the fresh air were spreading a different level of aroma. The benches were placed in certain distances facing towards the god gifted nature. People were placing themselves comfortably, many among them had partners, with one resting on other’s shoulders, and some of them were alone as I was then.

The isolation was well balanced with the feeling of satisfaction that the mental obstacles would run away with the amount of carbon dioxide you exhale from your mouth.

I would sometime gaze at the people, watching them smile and interact with each other playfully. Some of them were enjoying the street food and the lone ones were ignoring others with their eyes fixed at some point.

The place was called Begumbeli and it had become one of my favorite places, as the amount of peace it would offer was in no comparison with any other places.

The monsoon season would make the roads dirty but would polish the beauty of nature for the true nature lovers, the scene would look even more beautiful with tiny droplets of rain still sliding down slowly from some places.

The exams had just been over and a semester break was a fulfilled wish for all the students. The people in my class were going for drinks and parties, but the introvertism inside, dragged me to a hill that was unknown to most of the people in my class.

I would sometimes scribble the portrait of hill and then throw away it in a nearby bin as it was a waste of time. I would try writing in isolation but would give up within a few minutes.

The grades in the college were alright to me but were not at all satisfactory to the parents who had given me a shelter in their house, who had made me a part of their lives and sacrificed most of their years for me.

I was adopted when I was seven. From that day, I lived as their only son. The orphanage was a really good place as I had many friends there and leaving them was heart breaking but the love and care they showed to me, like they would have shown to their biological child, mended the cracks inside the heart.

I had many friends and was lively in my childhood in the orphanage, but the new sophisticated life changed me. I had everything, the family was rich and there was no hard work for me.

When you have enough money, then there are more things better than money, left to achieve, but if you don’t have money, then money is everything.

The needs were all fulfilled but the life was incomplete. The seven year old kid would stay alone in the class and the school life ended with no deep friends, as the only people who used to sit beside me were ‘the rejected from all the groups’ category.

The higher studies were completed attracting some temporary friends but the friends who you could rely on, were missing from the picture.

Sometimes, someone would say, “Sid, let’s go out for a drink.”

I would gladly accept, and the drink sessions would happen, but after the amazing night, there would be no sign of the person for almost a month.

I would sometimes visit my orphanage, and I would smile and talk to them but the feeling that we used to have when all of us were together, had faded with time. Time takes away the old assets and replaces with new things. Just like the mobile, as it deleted the old messages and stores the new ones.

The phone would ring once a day and the screen would show either ‘Mom’, ‘dad’ or ‘home’.  The life was not miserable but I wanted to live it in a different way.

I would still remember in my school, when the people in my class would come to talk to me to ask if I had completed my assignment, so that they could lend it from me to copy it. The next day, they would return it to me and the interaction would have been over, of course with a smile.

I would blame  myself for not being good at anything as some of the hard working people in my class had already started working in some fields and I was there all alone, sitting in the corner like a potato.

The great influential people used to say, people rise at the perfect time, the God writes a script for everyone and success is included in it, but never shares the script with anyone. I would think what kind of script would God write on me?

I would not adjust in any kind of script. I would even laugh at myself from inside for being this shit in life. I had the entire parent’s money; I was sure that they were going to pass it to me but the independence was a big dream gathered inside with every small dreams.

The feeling of being able to stand up in a selfish world, the money you would be able to earn, the way of counting it, and spending your own money would definitely feel different.

This feeling were like recurring every now and then and the moment it would struck me, I would write something to calm down my mind and within an hour or so, I was okay wasting my life like the way I do.

There was an urge inside me to work and stand up on my own feet but I needed a factor to push it out so that I could do something in life.

The lectures from my parents would have no effect on me. I needed to get out on my own, live my life making new friend with a complete stranger and test myself in it.

I would think of doing that sometimes, but the fear of getting lost in a crowded world of lies would scare away that feeling.

The college was almost about to get over. The last two weeks were left and the final exams and after that I was sure that I wouldn’t have to face the same people again in my life.

Weeks passed by and the exams were over as expected, people I used to see daily, vanishing in an open air.

The people say, you don’t grow up if you don’t lose friends, but I had no one to lose. The family party would be of same boring people, who would talk about their work and would ask my parents about my future or maybe marriage.

My family was pressurizing me to work on their company, the next day. I said I would think about it, to shut them for a couple of days. I knew, I had no interest in their field and you must indulge yourself in the field where you love your work and the satisfaction you receive from the work would be great even though money may not be as much as you expect.

The family pressure was increasing day by day. The life I was living, was chosen by them. The choices I made, they made them for me.

I was scared, but I decided to go on my own and live a different life, until I get what I want in my life. I always wanted to make them happy for the sacrifices they made for me and the love and care they gave to me, so I did whatever they wanted for me but the life needed to be straightened from now onwards and I had to choose a path that would definitely break them but I knew in the last, they would understand.

I had in my mind that I would think of involving myself in the writing field, as I could scribble some words. I applied for a magazine in a different city, send them some of my works but all of them looked for experience. The experience I had was my life as it was an untold story that could be transformed into literature and could be the bestselling novel too.

After facing the pressure from my parents for two weeks, I finally was able to get a job in another city, as a junior editor. They said they would evaluate me for the first week as a trainee and then they would decide whether to make it permanent or not. I was delighted for the first time with my decision as I solely made the decision.

I packed my bags, left a note and hoped they would understand. I carried some money to start up my new life.  I left home with so much courage and bravery inside me that I was about to enter the real world. I left for the new city, whether to see if I would get anything that fits me.

Pokhara was a beautiful city with the same nature of people like in the valley but this time, the feeling was different. The phone had rung a few times, but it felt like they found my note and it stopped.

I was happy that I was starting a new life and doing it all by myself. Sometimes all you need is a push, to do what you really want in life. A simple feeling of success would bury the empty heart, which was without friends, with happiness.

The choices can be made anytime in the life. You are going to struggle for sure with the choices you make going against everyone, but you’d be delighted from inside. I was able to drift the fear away to live a different life but the main thing is that I was happy about it.

The life is incomplete, if you are not satisfied with it, the choices we make defines our life.