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 “You’re late again.” She said.

“I left home at 8. But the traffic you know.” He scratched his head.

“You always have an excuse.” She replied.

“Tell me a single time when you have come sooner than me and actually waited for me.” She was innocently furious.

“Umm..that time when you went for shopping with Tara and I had to wait for 15 minutes.” He knew he shouldn’t have said that before completing the sentence.

He looked at her, her face turning into red, he knew he had lost the battle already before it started.

He knew saying sorry would be too normal and it would only escalate the argument.

“I know anger is not a good thing, but when it enters you, your cheeks turn red, and your left eye starts twitching a little just making that forehead into a certain shape that tempts me towards you.” He said.

She was just ignoring his words, as she knew his daily tantrums.

“You are making fun of my forehead now.” She just wanted to initiate the fight.

She just wanted to see how he would react. 

“My lips are sad and would enjoy some fun.” He tried to conquer her and kiss her forehead.

“Not that easy” She laughed it off. 

“Enough excuses, why were you actually late?” She shot the question all of a sudden at me. 

“I actually overslept, you know I am not a morning person.” He tried to avoid the eye contact.

It’s not because she would be mad, because he knew she loved him unconditionally; it’s just that he was embarrassed to face her. 

She was just in her normal self, with her white oversized top and a baggy jeans and his eyes all stuck on her.

She didn’t need any makeup or anything, everything was complete without any filters. 

“Do you remember Anita?” She asked.

“Who?” He couldn’t recall.

“My colleague from my previous job. You don’t concentrate on anything I say, how would you even remember.” She shot an arrow again.

“I do concentrate, of course I do, but how would I recall a person from a job 5 years ago.” He defended himself.

“3 years ago.” She stared at him.

“Oh yes, 3 years. I knew that.” He added. 

“Of course you did.” She smiled.

“So what about Anita?” He tried to change the topic. 

“She is getting married. Her boyfriend proposed her last week.” She said.

“And?” He had to ask.

“She’s invited me on her wedding, and I don’t even know her that well.” She replied.

“So don’t go then. Easy.” He replied.

“It’s not that easy, what if she thinks that I’m being too arrogant as she invited me even though we hadn’t had a proper conversation for this long.” She was worried.

“But she doesn’t know you that well.” He replied.

“Or you can just make an appearance just for the sake of it.” He added.

“Maybe I should just go and be a part of it.” She said.

“Were you guys close back then?” He asked.

“Yes we used to hang out. But then you know me, I am introvert and just go along with my life and don’t worry about anyone else.” She said.

“Friendship are always held by a comma, you can start from wherever you left, it’s just that she took the initiative to approach, it’s upto you now.” He said.

She couldn’t believe how wise he was talking, she just smiled at him.

“What happened?” He asked.

“Nothing.” She just looked away.

He tried to ask again, but he knew he wasn’t getting the answer for nothing from her. 

It was tougher than finding the value of “x” in mathematics.

“Look at the shape of my eyes, it looks like a fish.” She said.

“I like my eyes very much.” She added.

“I like your every shape.” He smiled.

“….in a completely non vulgar way.” He added quickly.

“I know what you meant.” She tried to push him off. 

“I don’t even know how you gathered up that courage and asked me out.” She said all of a sudden.

“After all these years, you always have to ask this question, on every date.” He replied.

“It’s become a ritual, I guess. So just tell me.” She said.

“You were with someone else but not happy and I could sense that.” He said.

“Don’t improvise your stories everytime. We were good friends and I would tell you everything.” She laughed it off.

“Lets just stick with I sensed it for this time.” He replied.

“Alright. Alright. Continue.” She said.

“We used to go out before that as well though, I never had to gather up courage.” He said.

“But we used to go out as a group, not like this, alone.” She argued.

“And you had to be drunk to pour out your feelings.” She was just playing her cards one by one.

“And what did it do? You avoided me for a couple of months.” He replied.

“You know I was in a complicated situation. But after I solved it, I took the initiative to say “Hi” on Facebook.” She defended herself.

“After all I am an introvert and don’t worry about anyone and I still came to talk to you.” She added.

“After all these years, if I don’t understand how much I mean to you, then, we don’t know each other at all.” He said.

“But everything ended well, you got me, lucky you.” He laughed.

“Lucky, you wish.” She shrugged him away.

“Come on now, don’t say that.” He tried to convince her.

She knew how grateful she was as these past few years with him were in some other level after her failed past relationship.

She was emotionally wounded and he healed her from every way possible.

They were laughing reminiscing their seeds of love.

They were just grateful that they had each other.

Suddenly, a strange ring interrupted their freedom.

“Trring, Trring…Trring, Trring….Trring Trring.”

The phone was ringing displaying “Wifey” on the screen.

He was just lost and couldn’t care about the phone for a while.

Everything was still.

The howling winds were trying to signal something.

His lost eyes wandered for a while and stayed still at his hand. 

The eyes were stuck on those fresh flowers, white daffodil, and red roses.

The soulless bunch of flowers with limited oxygen in their lifespan, he was just trying to preserve the essence with his grip.

He stood in front of the cemetery which read:

               “Becky Seeker”

         “17.03.1993 - 08.02.2017”

The flowers had to serve its purpose.

He gracefully placed the flowers on that cemented sheet which was preserving his connection.

He was just about to walk away and call his wife when he could feel her presence again.

“You know it’s February 8 right? Proposal Day of the Valentine week. And yet I have to ask you for this. Could you atleast do this before you go?” The tresspassing soul interrupted again.

He stayed still for a while. He had his phone on his right hand and turned back towards her.

“I have loved you since forever, I don’t even recall how, when and why but just glad that it happened. And I just want everything to remain still when i am with you, but times, destiny had other plans, we couldn’t escape the almighty fate. I just want to take the initiative right now, we never needed to express our love towards each other, we always knew how much we meant to each other, and no words will be needed in the future as well, but sometimes, words are really powerful and it would make each other’s day when expressed as well. But I have lost that sense of feeling now. Just want to ask you if the word Valentine for you would start for me and me alone, no one else, and ends with me only, so that the love between us can stay still within us only for a day, with everything else remaining constant, and we both can concentrate on everything else for the next 364 days, and I am just asking for that one day from you to devote to me, as I am going to do the same from my side. Becky has always been a popular name in my heart since 6 years ago, and if it gets lost somewhere too, this day will remind my heart that this name was not just scribbled but engraved in my heart, and can’t be removed even though life created different destinations for each other. Just want to ask you if you would do the same for me?” He asked.

He knew he didn’t need a reply from her. He knew her response. 

The silent cemetery had no sounds but unfulfilled noisy emotions roaming around.

“Forever yours, Harry.” He just could sense it in the air.

Hope: Captivated

 “Any final words for our viewers?” The interviewer asked.

“The past can’t be changed. Whatever happened, I wish I could borrow a crystal ball from someone, go back and change it. But its okay as it is too, the incident has made me a different person, much stronger than I was before.” She said.

“I have been living like an example for a whole new population and I am glad that I could lead them in a better path. I may feel like a surreal texture of an amalgamated feelings of giving up and misery but whoever knows me, knows that I am different, and the incident has made me a better person.” She added.

“I can only control the present, future is uncertain. My present is making sure that whatever happened to me, does not happen to anyone else. I’ll be selfish here for owning the pain all to myself and not letting it out to anyone out there.” She spoke again.

“Thank you for noticing us. The media has played a major role in uncovering the hidden emotions of people like us.” She ended her speech.

****

The acid attack on various ladies was on an increasing trend in Nepal in the recent years. The acid not only left a mark on their body but gradually affected their confidence, living style and struck them mentally.

Lata was a fresh undergraduate who majored in business. She was brought up in Parsa where she had her ups and downs. Her pretty, brownish eyes would tranquilize anyone who would take a glance at them. Lata’s bubbly personality was one of the reasons that she was surrounded with friends. Her jolliness and bad sense of humor was something that would strengthen their bond.

Every leaf withers away with its faded colors. Her cheerful nature disappeared from her life after those drops of acid pierced her face. The acid not only attacked her face but also shredded her self-confidence to face reality into pieces.

Her only fault was that her heart was selfish to accept someone else’s feelings. The guy pacified his ego by throwing the lifetime of sadness on her body. Fortunately, her heart was betrayed but it was still beating after the incident.

The stories of hospital are filled with mixed emotions; you either bring more hope to live from there or you lose all of it. The left part of Lata’s face was covered with a white bandage, her faith in life was vanishing in thin air.

She could blame that guy for this deed, or she could blame herself for breaking his heart. She was confused. Her mind played that unfortunate scene multiple times making her weak mentally. Every time she replayed that scene in her mind, she always saw how she could have avoided that mishap. Our mind is very cruel; it shows what we could have done after we have committed a mistake.

The incident made her let go of her friends. She didn’t want to meet anyone; she ignored everything in her life. She was searching joy in the puddle of sadness. Friendship stays together like the pearls in a necklace; it stays on if you hold the thread in each end, if one of them lets go of it, the relationship disintegrates like the falling pieces.

She would find herself in a pool of sweat in the middle of the night; she would get panic attacks. Everything that should not happen was happening in her life. She would always think what she did to deserve all of this. 

Lata’s parents always prayed to God, and would always ask why did all these happened to her?

Lata’s family was fuming in anger as well as drenching in distress at the same time. Their anger towards the boy was being neutralized looking at their daughter’s state. They just wanted that chapter to be closed forever without stretching the plot.

Their courage stood still, and they reported the guy eventually. Nepal and its laws, a satire to the public. It didn’t end well for the girl rather they decided to settle under the radar privately. The guy’s parents paid some money to let the case go away.

Their poverty had to interfere between the right and wrong. The economic state of the family prospered, but it could not mend the happiness in Lata’s heart. Maybe it is true that money can’t buy happiness; but it’s also true that money can’t bury sadness too.  

Her parents were always extra careful and watching her every now and then. Their life was sorting out, but sadness was still roaming around in their lives. She continued her college. She wanted to join MBA and make something out of her life.

She joined the college in the capital as she wanted to have a fresh start away from that black and white screenplay. She wanted another climax in her life, a happy one this time. She joined a college in Putalisadak to complete her postgraduate. She always felt like she was being watched or she was being left out from the group for the first few weeks.

Eventually, she made friends. Ashreeya, Shuvangi, Ravi and Arun joined as the supporting characters in her life’s script. Shuvangi and Lata were inseparable, they became best of friends; every group work, every field work, they were together in everything. Others eventually joined in.

Her scarred face always built a fortress of fear inside her. She always thought people would have pitiful eyes looking at her and she did not want to live it that way. She wanted others to treat her normally and make her feel like she belongs there. Shuvangi always tried her best to create such situations in her life.

Friendship is such an amazing relationship that can sew the broken hearts. Her happiness was coming back home, in a slow pace. Ravi was always there too in her life. Her heart did not accept someone’s love once and it led to that unfortunate event in her life. Her fear for love will always be buried inside her for eternity. Heart is a strange thing; if only heart had its own mind to take better decisions.

Ravi was slowly entering her heart with his involvement in her life. They would talk normally but he was always there for her when she needed him. He would treat her like anyone else. He made fun of her, cared for her, and did every normal thing he could do. Her jolliness nature revived because of Aashreeya, Ravi, Shuvangi and Arun.

She didn’t want to express her stored feelings in front of Ravi as she didn’t want to sabotage that precious relationship. She was happy but the smiles were a mixture of real ones and fake ones. The heart was healing slowly but the wound that changed her life in a single moment, was something that could never leave her.

After months of limited happiness, fake smiles and wounded heart, the media intervened in her life. The government implemented new policies in terms of acid attack victims and the media got ahold of her somehow. She became the face to watch in every news and went viral in a single night. She would share her experience and that installed courage in other victims as they came out of their caves to share their experiences as well.

She went on to give interviews so that she could help others to come out of their comfort zone. She became an example for them.

“After all these years, how do you describe that event?” The interviewer asked.

“It’s one part of my life that is like a recurring dream to me. Whatever I do, I will not be able to get rid of it. It has affected not only me but mostly my parents. That’s why I took the decision to make a fresh start and stay away from them for some time. When you get a small pimple on your face, you would be sad and now imagine getting my face disoriented with that amount of acid, how would I feel on a daily basis?” Lata replied bravely.

“I feel stronger now, as they say time heals everything. I am not completely okay, but I am getting better.” She faked a smile again.

Lata showed strength and courage in her interviews, but she knew how weak she was in reality. She would act differently in front of Shuvangi and Ravi but as soon as they go away, she was a different person.

Her happiness was like an asthma, needed inhaler every now and then. Once the effect goes away, she would get panic attacks. Her panic attacks never really went away, she used to have it once in a while.

She would always watch her interviews and laugh at herself.

“Liar. How could I say that on a national television when I don’t even believe that myself?” She murmured to herself.

She believed that someone who is living a life full of pity, could never understand the true meaning of humility and warmth of a relationship. For the first time in her life, her heart gave up for someone else and she could not even express it and that would haunt her every now and then.

Her constant fear made her limit her conversation with Ravi. She would only speak to Ravi when he approached her, and it would be a short one. She didn’t want to tear apart the wounds in her heart one more time, so she thought the best thing to do was to avoid the situation entirely.

Shuvangi noticed something was going on with Lata. She asked her about it, multiple times but a person who could withheld an ounce of pain inside her could keep any conversation hidden easily. She did not tell Shuvangi anything; she just told her that she was just overthinking.

Ravi felt the same as Lata would try to end the conversation as soon as she picked up the phone. Ravi felt something was bothering her. Ravi pleaded countless times, but her fake smile and a pile of lies was always ready for him.

“Come on Lata. You know I have always cared about you. When I don’t talk with you, it doesn’t complete my day. It’s a habit that I don’t want to get rid of. So, whatever it is, please don’t stop talking to me.” Ravi texted her.

“You will never get rid of me. Don’t worry. Sleep well. Goodnight.” Lata replied.

She just had to reply that way. She was good at it now, suppressing her feelings. She was good at hiding her emotions, faking a smile. She was getting better at being sad with a happy face.

That one incident took away her courage to live a normal life, fall in love again, make friends and be happy. The fake smiles and lies were inbuilt inside her.

The acid was flowing in her veins, acting like a slow poison affecting her feelings, leading to ruining friendships and never creating any intact relationships.

She was a live wire electrocuting herself to stay away from everyone.

There’s a hope that one day, the sun would rise again from the east for her. The chirping of birds would become a melody to her ears and her heart would actually throb faster with excitement and happiness.

The only thing constant in life must be hope.

Hope, it finds her soon.

No Strings Detached

“It’s fixed.” Pragya said.

There was no sound from the other side. She could hear his long astounding respite. He knew what she meant; he was just processing the news in his mind.

“22^nd December.” Pragya added after a moment of silence.

“Cc-on-grats.” He finally replied after a while. He tried to control his tears but the eyes were being controlled by the heart, not his mind.

******

Pragya called after a long gap of four months. She gathered up a lot of courage and had finally dialed his number.

After about 5-6 rings, she kept the phone as she couldn’t proceed with the call.

Utsav could see her name in his phone, he couldn’t resist and called her back.

Pragya was shocked for a bit but she picked up the call anyway; she had initiated it.

Pragya and Utsav were together for the past two years. They were there for each other in every moments of each other’s life for these couple of years. Happiness, sadness, jealousy and misunderstandings are a part of a healthy relationship and their relationship had all these bits included.

The phone call was intoxicated with awkwardness, and the lips which would create uncountable words for each other, were out of words; the love was there, it will always be there but the situation was high in morphine, the life had played with them.

The beginning of the end was there from the start of the relationship. They knew they had no future but living the present without caring about the future would be anyone’s priority.

There was a cliffhanger as any series or movies would have; a marriage proposal. They both knew they had to part ways; no matter what, they were not going against their family. They were not wrong, the love they had, was not wrong, just the situation and the dices of life wanted a thirteen from them. They had their two sixes all along, but that was never enough.

The end started with small misunderstandings and led to huge mishaps between them. They knew they had to be out of each other’s lives and felt whatever was happening, it was happening for good.

They were that loose thread almost about to break. The misunderstandings and fights resulted in avoiding each other for days. And it ended eventually. They never ended it officially but they both knew it was over.

People say if it’s not happy, then its not the end, but they were each other’s happiness. Ending can be compromised too, maybe that was the updated version.

*******

“Can we meet for one last time?” Pragya asked after a while.

“Sh-should we?” Utsav was confused. He couldn’t decide. His mind was somewhere else.

He was just happy to hear her voice after a few months. He could still feel his eardrums grasp her voice, and could fall for her all over again.

“If you want to?” Pragya added.

He knew how much he wanted to feel her presence again, how much his eyes wanted to have one last glance on that face, that would light up his day, but this was going to be different.

He could say it out loud, “Of course, I want to meet you silly, and cry out loud without caring how she would react if she heard him.”

But he limited his reply to, “Yes.”

“Sunday, then, Baneshwor?” Pragya asked pausing in between her words. It was not at all easy for her too. She was trying her best to keep the conversation normal and not shed a tear.

“Okay. Let’s meet on Sunday.” Utsav replied after a while.

They both wanted to talk for hours like they used to, but they didn’t have anything to talk about.

They decided to end the call. The former love birds was accompanied by the never ending tears after they ended the call.

Pragya wanted to meet him but she didn’t know if it was the right decision. She just wanted the final closure maybe. She hadn’t planned that she would ask him to meet; she just wanted to give him the news herself so that he didn’t have to hear it from someone else; she thought atleast he deserved to know after all these years.

Utsav was controlling his tears with a glass of whiskey. He was thinking about her voice and replaying it in his mind over and over again. He still couldn’t believe that she was officially getting away from his life forever. He thought meeting her was a bad idea and would uncover his hidden wounds all over again. He tried to type a message to send it to her, but the thought of seeing her one last time, made him delete the message.

Finally, the day arrived. Both of them were nervous like their first date. The last meet was scary and full of emotions like the first time. The only difference was they wanted to multiply their love for each other and create moments with each other, after the first date. They were trying to transform those moments to memories, this time.

They both met at New Baneshwor. They were the rare people who were thankful to this pandemic, as they could hide their colorless face behind those masks. They were both excited to see each other and would always greet each other with a hug, but this time, a cold “Hi” took away the warmth from each other and created the distance between them.

 They went to their usual restaurant. This time, they sat opposite to each other. Their body couldn’t rest on each other and their hands couldn’t romance playfully this time.

The long silence was interrupted by the waiter. He wanted to take their order. Utsav asked for coffee. Pragya asked for the same.

“So how have you been?” Pragya finally broke the silence between them.

“Good. You?” Utsav was avoiding the eye contact.

“Alright.” Pragya could reply only in a word.

Utsav tried to make the last visit a bit cheerful. He didn’t want it to end soulless. He gathered up his courage and spat it out, “So, how’s the guy?”

Pragya was shocked and her eyes were wide open for a while but she responded with “he’s alright”.

“Have you met him? Or just the virtual meetings?” He asked again.

“We met twice. He works as a dentist. He seems good.” She replied his questions like she was in an interrogation room.

“That’s, That is good.” He was out of words.

“I hope nothing but your happiness.” He could barely utter those words.

“I hope so too, thank you. I didn’t know what would I say to you today, I still don’t know what to say, but wanted to meet you no matter what.” Pragya said.

“It’s been tough for me too. Maybe that’s life, we are just the chess pieces and someone else is controlling our moves.” Utsav replied.

The coffee arrived finally. They finally had a proper eye contact and sipped some coffee from their respective cups.

“Do you remember the first day here?” Pragya tried to change the topic.

“Of Course, they used to call this No Name Café. And now it’s changed to Coffee Palace. Lots of memories here.” Utsav said.

“Yes, a lot of them.” She tried to smile a little.

“I miss how you used to sing for me, I hope I can hear you sing for one more time.” Utsav asked all of a sudden.

“Um..what? I don’t sing well, you know that.” She couldn’t respond properly as the question came out of nowhere.

“I know you have a beautiful voice. But I know it’s awkward right now.” He added.

“I don’t know how to respond to your marriage and everything.” Utsav said.

“I am trying to be calm and normal as much as I can; my emotions are looking for a way out to burst out in front of you.” He added.

“And you think I am alright?” She interrupted.

They couldn’t say anything to each other for a while.

“I tried texting you a lot. I type a message and delete it, I feel I would just interfere. I deleted all your pictures. The only pictures I have of you are your WhatsApp display picture, that I gaze every now and then and the picture from the long lost Facebook message. They give me strength every once in a while and help me to refill my energy.” Utsav said without even resting to breathe. He just wanted to let out everything before she goes away forever.

Pragya couldn’t respond to these things. Her eyes were watery and she was trying her best to hide her tears.

“I know we didn’t have a future but the only regret I would always have is I couldn’t even try changing that, I just accepted it because you didn’t want to go against your family’s wishes. And I just want you to be happy. If there was a chance to revive this relationship, I would do anything for us to be together. I know it’s not going to change anything so I am just thrashing out my emotions at you.” Utsav added.

Pragya could just stare at him and say nothing. The coffee was getting cold but the buried emotions were getting warm and resurfacing in the limelight.

“I know we have had our past with other people, and I don’t know about you but you will be the one that got away for me. I don’t know if I would be yours but yeah, I have never felt like this with anyone else and it’s still tough trying to move on. I dream about you, think about you unconsciously and your face, in reality or in a dream, brings a smile on my face and I get back into reality and my smile loses its color.” Utsav didn’t stop relishing out his emotions.

Pragya was trying to speak but Utsav was not going to stop she knew, so she let him speak. After all, it might be the last time for them.

“I know, we will have our lives after this, we might be happy with them, we might live the next forty years with them maybe. But you will get a call in the next, I don’t know, 20, 40 years, or it can be five or ten years too. When I am on my death bed, doesn’t matter who I am with, I want to listen to your voice during my last breath. I am not trying to prove you anything. I just want to leave this world with your voice stored inside me.” Utsav couldn’t control his tears now.

Both of them were in tears. There was love between them, don’t know if it was pure but it was surely there.

“If we ever meet again, maybe in another life, I want to try, doesn’t matter if I fail, but I just want to have that satisfaction that I tried. Its all void inside right now. You are the missing jigsaw, you will always be the missing jigsaw. Anyone who comes in my life after you will try to bury the hole, but won’t be able to remove it from there. I will always love you, no matter what and I am there for you.” Utsav’s emotions were too strong for her.

Pragya couldn’t resist all the emotions smashing her heart like a pointed arrow. She wanted to leave and he had lost his right to stop her.   

She left shedding tears, he was just watching her leave; he stayed still in the same position. He stared at those two half-emptied coffees. He could see a part of her lipstick in her cup, and took a sip from her cup just to sense her lips one last time.

Pragya had come back, for one last glance. She saw him drinking the coffee from her cup. She couldn’t hold it anymore, approached straight towards him, and kissed him right on his lips.

It felt wrong but she knew it was worth it. Maybe his emotions were the closure that she was looking for. Or they were a glimpse of hope for their future. They had some time left to figure it out before she tied her knot with someone else. Everything is compromised in life, even love. Hopefully, they can rise above the compromises and script their story and make the world believe that happy endings are not limited in stories and movies only.

 

P.S: Honorable Mention (Song: Dhaaga by Nilotpal Bora)

Free-Freedom!!

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Five More Seconds

Five more seconds,

As the time would stay still

As if you can portray how you feel

Five more seconds,

Hold on a little longer

Make it our the precious moment to remember

Five more seconds

An ending to a lifetime

I can’t see what happy lines could rhyme

Five more seconds,

The start of a new chapter

The only mission that I am after

Five more seconds,

Something’s ought to change

The feelings these days are so strange

Five more seconds,

The few steps that you took in to approach

I wonder how the hearts would start again to buzz

Five more seconds,

I requested, I asked for five more

The final step to the past closure

Five more seconds,

I would want to keep on adding for lifetime

If only, If only, the time was infinite

Five more seconds then, five more to strengthen

Just five more seconds, to live, for the life to happen

Oh those precious five more seconds

Let me live it before it all ends,

Five more seconds..

The Hundredth

Those trembling lips

Making me insane

Sweats toiling down the face

But you will disappear without even a trace

I lift my dagger

In the midst of my personal graveyard

One more client

Quenching my satisfaction

Filling the darkness in his eyes

Bloodshed is what keeps me alive

I sense the fear

That’s turning me on

Changing into the second gear

I strike on his head

Oh sooner or later, he’ll be dead

The glow on my face

What can I expect?

The dead body so calm and still

That sums up my tonight’s drill

I start to dig again

For a new applicant

Letting him enter the haunted cemetery

This marks my hundredth 

Some more to come, some to cherish

Before all my deeds are revealed

My masked face on the front page of the paper

I smile and move on as always

Till the day, the mystery is solved

I carry on

I carry on...

Mission: Happiness

“Why do you always insist?” The old man said.

“GO AWAY. I don’t want to see you here.” He added.

“Whaat? Not again please love. Please don’t say that.” Her eyes were filled with tears.

The nurse had to get her out of his sight to control him.

“Please ma’am, I can understand your feeling, but I hope you understand. It’s for him.” The nurse said to the lady.

“I know how much you care about him. Please ma’am.” The nurse added.

The lady had to let herself out of the room after one last peek at her husband. She was controlling her tears this time. She stood still in the hallway.   

“What has life gifted us now? Every time, every fucking time.” She was mad at herself. She was mad at her luck.

Her tears portrayed her inner pain. Her life had felt all sorts of pain. And now, another one added up to push her back again.

Peter/Pete Livingston was a war veteran. He served his country in Vietnam. He has always been a jolly guy during his youth days. He devoted his life for his country for almost two decades. He devoted most of his time towards the country rather than to his family. He was happily married to Samantha for thirty-two years and life had gifted them three children, two beautiful daughters and one cheerful son. Everything was well balanced with his army life where he had to stay away from home most of the time. His wife took care of everything else.

Their children had all grown up and moved elsewhere. After his retirement from the service, the only remaining people in their pretty little house was the old couple. They always had something to talk about; they never ran out of topics. Some days, Pete would talk about his days in Vietnam, and other days he would listen to Sammy talk about how she lived without him and how she raised Helen, Trudy and Pete Jr.

After almost about three years, Pete started with acute amnesia where he started forgetting things. He was taken to the hospital numerous times and every bits of test were taken, and the doctor clarified that the memories could not be controlled. If it has disappeared, it could come back naturally or never come back at all.

The couple was shocked to hear about this. They couldn’t react properly. All her life, Sammy had to stay away from her husband and now when she had got him back, his memories had started to fade away.

Sammy consoled him all the way back home. She knew giving up was not an option. Though her hair was grey, and she was getting old, the moments she was creating with him were youthful. She realized her ultimate happiness began with him.

Time passed by, he lost most of his memories and didn’t even recognize his own wife. He would construct his own memories in his mind and believed in them. Sammy was trying to collect all the memories for him, but he wouldn’t believe her.

Their marriage became a virtual dream and had disappeared from his memory. The old couple could never receive back the happiness from their children as they left in their own path and all they had is each other. And now, Samantha was all alone this time. No one else in her life.

They went to the doctor again for the hundredth time. The doctor said that he was confabulating his own memories. This was called False Memory Syndrome where the patient believes in what he thinks his life was and no one else.

Pete was so sure about his false memories and his memories didn’t include his marriage, wife and the children. He couldn’t stay at home with his wife and preferred to stay at the medical centre as he could not cope up with the actual life that he didn’t believe in.

One day, he noticed the ring on his third finger and threw it away telling her that their marriage never happened. All she could do was control her tears. She picked up the ring and started wearing a locket with his ring attached to it.

Sammy always went to the medical centre just to take a glance at him from a distance even though he didn’t want to see her face. Sammy would try, approach him and show him pictures of their past every day. She would try to remind him of his good, old days. The pictures of the marriage also didn’t affect his belief. He would just call his wife a liar.

Sometimes, he would be too damn stubborn, and it would break her, but what else was left in her life, other than him. The numerous heartbreaks didn’t let her give up that easily. She had invested more than three decades of her life with him and she was not giving up.

She would try always, even though he didn’t want to see her. Some days, she would make him so mad that the nurse would have to let her out and some days he would listen to what she says and doesn’t react at all.

One day, she made a brisket which he adored a lot, and asked the nurse to give it to him fearing that he wouldn’t eat it if she gave it to him. Another day, Sammy showed him a video clip of the various memories that was captured in the video recorder.

Sometimes she would think about the happy old memories of when he would come back home for his break and they would spend a quality time and cry quietly.

There was no knock at the door. He just let himself in. Helen, Trudy and Pete Jr. greeted their dad by groping him from all angles. He fell down, all of them giggling at their silly tantrums. Sammy was watching them smile from a distance.

“Alright kids, can I atleast give your mum a hug now?” Pete said.

“Yay. No. Okay.” The kids responded like they are supposed to.

Pete got up and approached towards Sammy and gave her a kiss and told her how much he missed her and if he could stay with her and he didn’t have to go back, then he would do that.

Sammy was so happy to see him that day because they have been fighting all week. The distance would create misunderstandings and small fight would expand to larger fights. But Pete came back for a short period just to make her happy.

He wanted to sort out the fight with her and make everything normal. Although Pete was mostly away, he loved his family very much. He could do anything for Sammy.

Six years have already passed by and she struggled all these days, but she spent all these days with him. This was the only thing that was not letting her give up. Sammy would often think what her life would be without Pete. Although they shared a lot of pain together, but the happy moments were always there. Their children wouldn’t care much these days, but they shared quality time together and how happy the couple were when all three of them came to this world.

She went inside his room and he was just taking a nap. She watched his grey hair and his beard which she would always make fun of and he actually shaved it off for her. He had a moustache which had turned greyish in colour by now. The stocky body had turned pale in six years. But she fell for the same guy a long time ago. She could just forget all her pain and smile remembering about the very first time she met him.

“I wanted to borrow this book.” Pete asked Sammy.

Sammy worked as the library assistant during her early twenties. She used to sanction the issued book and follow up with them and see if the book has been returned and keep them in proper places.

“Of course, you can.” She said.

Pete was so attracted with her beauty, but he was too shy to ask her out. He would always visit the library in the alternate days just to see her and would borrow a random book just to hear her voice.

She had already noticed how Pete was reacting. She wouldn’t say anything to him. It was almost a month now and after borrowing a lot of books, Pete had a pile of book which needed to be returned.

One fine day, he took back all of the books to her and placed it just in front of her.

“Oh Gosh, you just borrowed them and didn’t care about returning them.” She said.

“Sorry, I know it’s a lot, but I have brought everything back.” Pete replied.

“You might have to pay some fine for most of the books as they have crossed the maximum amount of period they can be borrowed.” Sammy told him.

Pete was silent for a moment, unclear about what to say next. He just nodded.

“I can take care of the fines if you take me to dinner.” Sammy said it finally, all of a sudden.

Peter was again silent for a moment. He couldn’t believe what he heard; he could just smile.

“So Tttomorrow?” Pete couldn’t speak properly.

“Yes, I finish at 6 tomorrow. We can go together from here.” Sammy closed the deal finally.

They both smiled looking at each other. “Now, would you please help me to put these books back to their proper places?” Sammy asked him.

Pete could just follow her orders, as she had just asked him out on a date.

Sammy could just smile looking at him run around here and there putting books back to their spots.

The same guy, she married after dating him for two more years and gave birth to their first child after two years of marriage. The same shy guy, she fell for and could do anything for him.

It was their 40^th anniversary next week. Their love was so strong that her hope never died even in the worst situation of their life.

Sammy was just smiling remembering the good old memories that Pete woke up. He didn’t utter a word. He could just look at her.

He just took out his hand from the blanket and approached for the locket hanging around her neck and held the ring attached to it.

He felt that he should wear the ring back. He felt he recognized his wedding ring. Sammy was surprised to see him recognize the ring. But she detached the ring from the locket and gave it to him. He wore it back in its rightful place.

Sammy gave him some water to drink and went to see the doctor and tell him that he wore his ring back.

It was almost four decades with him. Small portion of happiness after six years of struggle made her so happy and gave her so much hope.

Pete was staring at the ring, just trying to figure out its significance maybe. He was confused and blank, but he knew that it meant something.

Maybe the old couple has some happiness left to live in their life. Hopefully, they will be happy someday and life would show pity on them.

After all, it was hope that would keep any relation alive. Once the hope dies, the whole relation collapses in no time.

She was hopeful. She was hopeful that there will be positive changes in their life.

Hope.

Love just needs some faith, miracles happen everywhere.